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The Secret Tears of a Butterfly (Part 1)

The Secret Tears of a Butterfly (Part 1)

The Secret Tears of a Butterfly


From that day forward it was on. My mother worked graveyard as a Correctional Officer, and I was as free as a nudist on a nudist resort. I did what I wanted, how I wanted, when I wanted, and nothing was going to stop me. My first time ditching school was in the 9th grade, with a friend who I’ll call Nema. We hopped over the back gate and jumped in an old school Cadillac with a guy named Andre I gave my number to about a month prior. Andre was 26 years old, but he showed me that he cared about me and was cool as hell. We would talk on the phone for hours.  It was a trip. You may say to yourself, “What in the hell could a 14 year old teenager and a 26 year old man have in common, and then talk for hours?” Well, the answer to that is simple. I was way ahead of my time. To this day, people tell me I have an old soul.

Andre took me and Nema to his house; we hung out for a bit, before I went in his room. We talked for a while and laughed a little before he kissed me. Before I knew it we ended up in his bed. I was scared but felt safe with him. Andre said he loved me, and from what he showed me he meant it. This would be the first time I had sex. I was losing my virginity. It didn’t feel good at all.  He went slowly at first and it hurt like hell. Then he started to go quicker. The faster he went the more it hurt. All of sudden I heard him making a grunting noise.  He said, “Damn! You made me bust a big ass nut!” I just laid there looking at him like, “What just happened.” Andre didn’t rape me, but it sure as hell felt like it. Afterwards, I sat up in his bed covered with sheets, with the emptiest, hurt, confused, and disgusting feeling I had ever felt in my life. I felt very low and dirty. Andre walked out of his room as I still sat in his bed completely naked with a dazed blank stare and Nema walked in right after him. Her eyes were so big I thought they were literally going to pop out of her head. “What did you do!!? Oh my God! Did you…? Are you alright?” I just looked at her, and she walked out. The damage was done.

Andre and I hung out a few more times but he started to act funny after a while. He told me he had a 5 year old daughter, he was still with her mother, and he couldn’t talk to me anymore. I couldn’t understand why, everything was fine. I was devastated. Once again I was painfully hurt and betrayed. There was nothing I could do. Andre made me believe he cared about me, and even told me he loved me. In the end he took my virginity and left me high and dry. This is when I learned that guys will tell you anything you want to hear, and do anything to get in a girls pants to have sex with her. Even though learning this the way I did was painful, I knew someone would love me, and I was determined to find which guy it was going to be.


To be continued…

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The Secret Tears of a Butterfly





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