The Secret Tears of a Butterfly (Part 1)
Every Thing Is Not What It Seems
There are woman, and then there are butterflies. Both of them strive to reach the same goals in their life spans with maturity and beauty.
There is a woman who has it all together. She appears to have everything she wants and everything she needs. This woman is beautiful, and smells beautiful as well. She dresses nice and is well kept. She has two beautiful well mannered children, she drives a nice car, and has a nice house. This woman is a hard working business woman, who doesn’t take no for an answer. She is approached by many men in hopes of being the one to sweep her off her feet, or in hopes to simply get her in bed. Some even look at her as a meal ticket they can use to capitalize from. Some people love her, and some hate her. To many people this woman has it “going on”. She is always judged by her outer appearance. Many people think they know this woman, but many are very mistaken.
Then we have butterflies. When we see butterflies we think of how beautiful they are, but we never think about the many changes it goes through to obtain its beauty. Where did it fly from before it got to you? You think you may know from which direction it came, but you can never be for certain. Someone may speculate where they “think” it came from, but again you can never be for sure.
Who is this woman? Where did this butterfly come from? This woman is me, and I come from a major transformation called a “metamorphosis” making me the person I am today. No one knows me and where I’ve come from. There is only one who knows all of my struggles, my secrets, my joys, my laughter, and my pain. Only one knows me down to how many stands of hair I have on my head. He knows my tears before I cry them out. The only one who truly knows who I am is God.
The Secret Tears
You can say that you know me from my appearance or what you hear, but your knowledge of me will be very vague, far, few, and in between superficial thoughts or chattering gossip, and articles. Everything isn’t always what it seems. From my outer appearance I have often been viewed as a woman who has her entire life all together, while suffering from a lot pain and tears on the inside. I spent ten years looking for answers that were right in front of me because I was in denial and lying to myself for fear of facing what was so real. I was my own worst enemy.
Throughout the years, a few friends and family have mentioned that I should write a book. Instantly I would shun the thought because of fear. I feared what you will think of me before you would even finish reading. I began to pray about it and many thoughts of reasons why I should write a book came to mind. There were only two that really stood out-closure and clarification. By writing about my pain, adversities, and triumph and sharing it with you, it will give me closure, and you clarification about who I really am. It is my hope that after sharing all the pieces of me with you, you will be inspired. I hope to inspire you to keep going when things get hard, and when you screw up and make a mistake you will forgive yourself no matter how big the screw up may be and no matter how huge the mistake. I pray I inspire you when you feel like you’re at the end of your rope that you will tie a knot and hold on.
To know me is to know my journey. To know me is to know about my pain and secret tears, sex, drug, and alcohol addictions, my suicidal thoughts and attempts, low self- esteem, homelessness, deceptions, and abandonment. To know me is to know how I managed to get through it all. To know me is to know The Secret Tears of a Butterfly.